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    January 29

    落寞 嫣然

        有几分沉默。似乎有很多东西想说,其实什么也说不出来。不想说?无话可说?亦或已经不会说了?不知道。
        一直漠视别人的存在,虽然生活就以为着要和很多人擦肩而过,但是没有什么人可以让我去关心,想关心的人又关心不到。为此我深感到愧疚,尽管以后可能还是这样。
        害怕被人遗忘。应该说,这快成为一种恐惧了。我知道只要求别人是一件很过分的事情,但我真的很害怕。我不可能要每个认识我的人每天都给我打电话,因为绝大多人都只是经常在一起而已。忘记的人,已经有很多了。只是有时候会这样想,然后发现,世界本没有什么值得牵挂的东西,世界也不曾有人牵挂我。
        其实,我很愿意相信“现在有人很惦念我”,哪怕是我的一厢情愿,我也愿意相信,这样也不会如此不堪了。
        每天要想很多事情,又不知道自己为什么要去想。丝竹乱耳,是非忧心,写满记忆的纸张在命运的系弄下已经干枯泛黄,不愿迎接变迁之风。因此,我感觉累。累有很多解释,比如厌倦,失去方向,或者即便尽力也毫无进展。
        迷雾中步履蹒跚,忽然发现自己一直一无所有,然后才会懂得,你的落寞,如此嫣然。
     

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    我倒是发现你这个人心机颇重~~~这样不好,你自己容易累,真的。最好还是大条一点。
    Feb. 16

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